Neverlost
by X-valmont-X
Summary: Kadaj is in need. Yazoo provides for him. **this is a bit brutal**
1. I Wanna Be Your Dog

**this is quite short for me. but it's just to get me into the swing of writing again..as i've been on a hiatus. here is why, if you're interested : .com/**

**anyways. another warning....this is a bit rough...so hold onto your hat. **

**i don't own FFVII, or 'i wanna be your dog' by iggy and the stooges. i don't make any money from this either. which is a shame.**

**So messed up  
I want you here  
In my room  
I want you here  
Now we're gonna be  
Face-to-face  
And I'll lay right down  
In my favourite place**

I lay on my back, my eyes to the ceiling, tracing the cracks in the plaster. There is no one else here with me, and so I relax, I allow myself to be insignificant, unimposing, calm. My hands lay palms up, as if allowing myself to receive some kind of divine guidance. A breeze blows in through a nearby French door, the air is tinged lightly with the scent of an approaching summer. At times like this I really felt alive, I could feel the blood in my veins, even though I was not entirely sure there w_as _any blood in my veins.

Nights like this always meant one thing. Always ended in the same way. And so I lay on my back, my eyes to the ceiling. Waiting.

The room itself was dingy, furniture was sparse, it was lit by a number of dim lamps dotted in various places around the room. This created a somewhat intimate atmosphere, something that was perfect for the inevitable outcome, full lights would have been too harsh for it, it would have made it too easy for me to realize that it was reality, that it was actually happening.

A key turned in the lock. He was home. I didn't know which of my brothers would enter when the door opened. But either would do. They're both experts at giving me what I want. They have dedicated their lives to it, to me, and to mother. I allowed myself to feel nervous in anticipation, both of them were so different in their ways of treating me at times like this that I could hardly stand to wait and see. Yazoo appeared around the door. my stomach flipped, he was more brutal than Loz, he would almost break me.

Our eyes met, and I smiled, a smile I only ever reserve for one thing. With this he knew, he knew what I wanted, and acknowledged it with a solemn nod. Closing the door behind him, locking it, and leaving the key where it was, ensuring we had the utmost privacy. He never stopped looking at me, his eyes burning a hole in me. I will not lie, I will be honest, he scared me, but it was what I needed. He walked over to me, his steps heavy, clunking on the uncarpeted floor. His face was shadowy in the low light, his cheekbones highlighted and defined, there was so much more detail revealed by not being able to see properly.

I loved him. there was no doubt about it. I only told him at deeply intimate moments, at those moments when a rush of emotion and chemicals in my brain finally let my tongue loose enough to say anything that I felt.

He stood above me, towering over me even more than he normally did, my eyes felt wide, my amazement at him never ceased, how stunned I always was by his beauty. If I was the kind of person that was consciously in possession of a conscience, I would feel slightly ashamed that part of my attraction to my brothers came only from the fact that they looked like me. The they were as beautiful as I was, and when we joined in union, the spectacle we made must have been astonishing.

His eyes were like fingers tracing all over my bare skin, my vulnerability at being so open, so naked and on show was part of the excitement. He could kill me now if he wanted to, and I would let him. with a masculinity that I never thought Yazoo could possess, he knelt on the bed, knees either side of me, hands at his sides. I leant up on my elbows, getting a bit closer to him, supporting myself with my right arm, I lifted my left to his lips, I ran my thumb along the soft pursed flesh. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than him at that moment. With a whimper, a voice that betrayed everything the public saw about me, I gave him his cue:

"hurt me."

**  
And now I wanna  
Be your dog  
Now I wanna  
Be your dog  
Now I wanna  
Be your dog  
Well c'mon**

He leant down, kissed me lightly, lovingly. Instead of pulling away, he chose to deepen the kiss, our combined breath became raspy, his tongue in my mouth, his hands in my hair, tugging slightly, beginning to knot a little bit with the movement. He began to nibble lightly at my bottom lip, taking it into his mouth and biting gently, then with a fury only known to people like us, he bit down hard. I jumped, my eyes watering, my body's instincts kicking in, causing my limbs to start to flail, trying to find a way out. but he pinned me. His hands on my shoulders, grasping as tightly as they could, I knew I would have bruises, and I loved it. He let my lip go, Pressing his forehead hard against mine. I saw when he smirked, that he has a little blood staining his teeth. A chill ran along my back, one of these days they will kill me. With butterfly kisses along my cheek, my jaw, my overly punished lips, and down to neck I waited with anxiety, my heart rattling in my chest. With nails I didn't know he had he clawed at me, my shoulders aching. He bit down hard upon my neck, twisting his head to the side slightly as if tempting the skin to tear. I writhed, my hands finding the back of his neck and desperately latching onto him. I let out repeated audible moans that were slowly descending into screams. My watering eyes were now crying freely, and when he leant up to look at me, his expression was one of disgust.

Standing up quicker than my brain could compute, he dragged me by my hair to the floor where I fell in a heap, he was on my like a rash, pushing my face to the floor with a strength I knew I would not be able to match in my current state, with that he was on my neck again, this time the back, drawing blood, almost taking chunks out of me. I had asked for this, and I knew I deserved it. He pulled my right arm behind my back, pushing down hard to stop me from getting away, a bit more force and he would had dislocated it. He bit at my jutting shoulder blade, drawing the same blood he had in multiple other places, then my side. This was a pain unlike the others, I didn't like it. He let my arm drop and I collapsed on my stomach, I began to sob shamelessly. He let me go. Let me rest for a while. I knew what he was doing without even looking at him, I heard the leathers drop on the floor. He was getting ready.

**Now I'm ready  
To close my eyes  
And now I'm ready  
To close my mind  
And now I'm ready  
To feel your hand  
And lose my heart  
On the burning sands **

I began to drift, another world away from the ache in my bones. His breath on the small of my back tuned my sense back in. I began to grip at the floor, part of me wanted to scuttle away, hid under the bed, I felt small and bug-like now. but I stayed. He placed a gentle kiss at the small of my back, deliberately breathing heavily close to my skin, the hot air sliding all over my flesh, covering me like an electric blanket. It felt strange to be so utterly consumed by someone, it felt unbelievably odd to allow myself to be in such a position, even though we had done this on numerous occasions before, I never got used to it.

His hand sought my most innermost place, deep inside me where for now, only he was permitted to go. His fingers were wet, ready to perform their duty. I closed my eyes tight and waited for the intrusion, it came with a gentle finger entering me slowly. I took a deep breath, beginning to panic over my loss of power. He made me slick, his one finger was joined by another, his second by a third. I was still sobbing, my tears pooling on the floor, I loved him more than anything at that moment, even more so when he made me shudder and squirm for him. when he was done, the same loving hand pushed my legs apart, he laid between them, positioning himself properly. I loved the feel of his weight against me, and although this was intimate, gentle and loving, it would soon change completely. I felt him entering me, slow, steady. I insides stretched to accommodate him, he stopped, allowed me to catch my breath, then he continued. He pulled out and slammed back in, I screwed my face up, crying loudly, begging him to stop, even though he knew I didn't really mean it.

He bore no thought for my pleasure, that was not what was important here, he concentrated on himself. he was moaning, his heavy breath on my back, the slap of our flesh meeting with considerable force, all of these noises reminded me of what I was. Even the most important people in the world need to feel insignificant sometimes.

He sighed, pushing into me with a final punishing thrust, his seed emptying into me. He collapsed onto my back, exhausted, recovering. After a few moments, he pulled out, got to his feet, and walked out of the room into the bathroom. He was done. So was I. I curled into a ball and cried.

**And now I wanna  
Be your dog  
And now I wanna  
Be your dog  
Now I wanna  
Be your dog  
Well c'mon**


	2. Neverlost

**this is only short. i know. but it's just to get me into the feel of writing again. feedback is appreciated. **

**i don't own FFVII, or Neverlost by the smashing pumpkins. **

**All hands on deck  
Setting sail to get wrecked off course  
You make what you want of me  
I will keep you anyway**

Let's fill these hours and kill desire  
Let's fill these hours and kill desire  
I'm in touch with you  
Let's kill these hours and fill desire

Every turn is torture thought  
Every kicking of the drum

I've seen the film  
I know the place  
I'm never lost  
There's just one way across

I heard the muffled sound of a tap being switched on. The water splashed into the bottom of the tub, a welcoming and homely sound. Through heavy lidded eyes I saw his feet walking to and fro as he placed salts and oils in the bath. this was the part I liked the most, the healing after the abuse, the repairing of the damaged goods. The luxurious smells crept out of the door and into the room, a heady mixture that almost overwhelmed me.

I didn't move, didn't try to cover myself as my flesh began to chill. I had no energy.

The taps were turned off, and the feet that had been busy before, stopped for a while, and then directed themselves towards me. He stooped, his hands making the first gentle contact with my skin, and he collected me in his arms. Carrying me like a parent holding their sleeping child. We were strong, impossibly so, yet I was happy to be the weaker of us now. happy to be the one that could be crushed like fruit. He stepped in the water, and sank to his knees, he laid me down, placing my head on his chest and wrapping his arms tight around me. This was the meaning of intimacy, we shared the same blood, the same life force, and now the same mind. He knew how I felt, what I wanted. He lifted handfuls of water and let them dribble down my chest. He ran his fingers over my shoulders, kissing the top of my head, my hair still dry. He kissed the bruised flesh of my neck tenderly, lovingly. his hands plunged under the water, his fingers finding my stomach, it ached through lack of food, lack of sleep and stress. I sighed, breathing in properly for the first time in hours. His long arms reached to my thighs, lovingly stroking them, giving the attention that he had neglected to earlier.

I felt myself hardening under his hands, he had taken what he wanted earlier, he had given me what I needed with the pain, he was doing it again now. I was truly spoiled.

We shifted awkwardly, I wanted to kiss him, and I did, a deep full kiss that I let myself dissolve into. It took my breath away, my swimming head becoming light.

He found my hardness, took it into his hand and began to stroke. My hands gripped at his legs as they surrounded me, held me in their protective cocoon. The breathe trembled from my lungs, I needed him more than anything now. his rhythm was slow, something I didn't experience very often. I rested my head back on his shoulder, allowing him full access to me, his free hand exploring me even more, giving me gooseflesh. I lost myself then, giving myself over to the sensations. He was my world, my life, everything to me then, and no one could interrupt our union.

I felt a familiar tingle in the pit of my stomach, like getting butterflies through nerves. I knew what was coming. I bit my lip, to stop myself from crying out loud. I sighed, as my climax hit, my mind blanked, and I gripped onto his leg even tighter as I felt myself erupt into the water. The trace of the incident was washed away before it was even there. My breathing was ragged, it calmed slowly as I recovered.

He leant close, buried his face in my neck and wrapped his arms around me like I was a doll.

"I love you" he whispered.

**I'm never lost**

Headlights shoot north  
The ends of earth off course  
Of course

If you think just right  
If you'll love you'll find  
Certain truths left behind

All this is that once forgot  
A closing down of the gate

But oh these hours  
I lost my place  
I'm never lost  
There's just one way

There's no disgrace in failing me  
Let's kill these hours and fill desire  
I'm in touch with you  
Let's kill these hours and fill desire  
I'm in touch with you  
I'm in touch with you


End file.
